Confessions

Earlier this week while I was at work, I got turned on to an application for my Smartphone. It’s a game where you attempt to level up the buildings in your village and defeat other villages. It is well made and entertaining.

In high school and college I discovered I’m prone to certain types of addictions. Games with no clear ending, where you can become richer and higher leveled are a particular weakness for me. In high school this game for me was Runescape. Runescape is an online Role Playing Game with other players where you can do quests, earn cash, and fight. It was somewhat fascinating and horrifying watching myself get mentally consumed without any hope of moderation.

I wrestled with quitting for years. It seemed like I could never rid my mind of PKing (Player Killing), or stop thinking of how to more effectively do it. This is to the point that I didn’t eat enough or waited very long to go to the bathroom. It invaded my dreams and video preferences in Youtube. Keep in mind, I was only moderately good and wealthy. Maybe in the top 20-15%...nowhere near the top.

There was some good that happened in this though. I learned how to make money by the basic principle of selling high and buying low. I learned how to generate the margin between wholesalers and regular consumers. I learned that many people are not worthy of being trusted online, especially if they hold your money.

Flash back to today. Although I am thankful for all I have learned in an addiction, I never want to go back. I didn’t like who I was. Although my buddies at work meant well, I saw myself begin to become someone I didn’t like, someone very familiar but unhappy. So, come the next workday. I get the pleasant task of saying “sorry guys. It’s not you. It’s not the game. It is me. This is a weakness I have and I’d rather do other things like reading or blogging.” I doubt I’d get as bad as before since I have learned a little moderation. It still would rob me of other joys in life like family time, reading…etc. Discovering and conquering this weakness to addictive gaming is one of the best things I have ever done.

I can already hear people say “well sheesh Aaron, why didn’t you just stop being that way?” How many years do I need to waste before it becomes something to avoid, not fight? I discovered the weakness in high school…it didn’t get dealt with in Jr. High and prior. How long should it have been before I said “enough. I am untrustworthy with this and need to better myself by avoiding it as much as physically possible.”? I waited some 7 years before successfully doing that. Should it have been longer?

Well, gentle reader, do you have something optional preventing you from realizing your dreams in life, or keeping you from being someone you admire? Maybe that needs to change. Just a thought.

Want

My want is never ending. No matter what quantity or quality exists in my life, I always want it better with few exceptions. This is great for businesses but contributes to discontent people being envious.

Something I have found to be helpful is separating need from want, and having moderation with want. This is why I am a firm believer in having a budget. The mysterious nature of money being scarce remains, but life doesn’t feel financially cruel because I have mapped out where it goes.

If the foundation of my life makes me happy, than extra is good but not necessary. Yes, it is important to create memories with family and friends. However, if I am discontent with both, how is making memories going to help? I’ll just remember being unhappy.

Matter is a terrible escape. It consumes my cash, time, and happiness and also leaves me wanting more. Sounds a lot like an addiction. Simply living isn’t about having everything, or even nothing. It is about being content wherever you are. If I was more content with where I am, maybe I wouldn’t always be looking for the next thing to provide temporary pleasure.

Multi-Family Living

People tend to approach multi-family living with curiosity and intimidation. This is the start of our third week of multi-family living. If I had to stress only one thing, I’d say it should be grace.

When people have their own space, they begin to develop norms that other people may not be used to. This can vary from leaving the sponge wet on the sink, to how hot the thermostat should be set. As an American, the American dream is taught early. Even though my family did not fully subscribe to the expensive car, home and pet, I was surrounded by it when growing up. The neighbor was proud of their new SUV, regurgitating much of what the salesman had told them. The grocery store boasted how you deserved organic food. Those other people lived below the dream…maybe they didn’t know what it was?

There’s nothing wrong with having your own space. What I am communicating is that sometimes the American dream belief is so strong, that anything different is rejected due to being different.

Here are some things I’ve noticed:

1. Living together doesn’t mean you are always together. Interestingly, work schedules are not always the same and people are not home every day of the week. On average, we have two weeknights to ourselves, and 1 weekend day.
2. Living together does mean that you are consistently aware of the existence of other people in the home. This means that you need to be extra gracious in keeping areas clean, and not mess with other people’s stuff. So an example of this is that this morning the cat almost hopped on the wife and my bed. We don’t own cats…we go off and on with being allergic. When attempting to shoe him away, the cat wouldn’t let me push him out. So I picked him up, put him out of the room and closed the door. This all happened while the baby was asleep. The old me would have put him out of the house and complained about him all day.
3. Married people still have sex in this situation. Not sure more needs to be said.
4. A person being in your area becomes normal. This is completely foreign to the American dream. However, you get used to it.
5. Life is less dull. More things go on in the house. I can still rest during down time. It is nice though that quick babysitting is more available for a few minutes.

There are more observations to come. Living in a multi-family home is not for everyone or the faint of heart.

Having Joy in Life

For New Years day, the family and a group from a nearby church went on a walk. It was about 3.5 miles so you serious exercising people can chuckle at our limited walking ability. It was nice though. Emma was sleeping in the stroller, instead of continuing her fussiness. Grace talked with some locals of the area about life, animals and her childhood. My father-in-law told me about how the BLM (Bureau of Land Management) paid low prices to force the owners of the houses off the land where we were walking, built a road for a future dam, and then closed the project when the dam project was canceled due to invalid reasons that were later disproved. The land was never returned from BLM.

Dog without a leash

Although we complained about the dam and the unleashed dogs ignoring their owners calls, we all recharged from the exercise and community of shared beliefs. This brings me to the importance of exercise. Even small efforts to regularly work out can greatly improve your life quality.

When I was in college I was dirt poor and homeless. I did not have many possessions and would parkour. It was the free thing I could do that kept me strong, and helped keep me be happy. With that said, due to car accidents and sleepless night with the child, I completely got off an exercise schedule and didn't parkour anymore. To help combat this, our family has joined this walking group. Grace is miles ahead of me in exercising. She regularly goes to a gym and is excited to receive work-out equipment for Holidays. I have much to learn from my wife for utilizing my body to achieve simple living.

Babysitting. It Rocks

Today was a nice day. The wife and I celebrated our anniversary today. We went to P.F. Chang's today. How did we afford this extravagance while the RV is in the shop and we are living in a multi-family house with the in-laws? Well, my parents gave us a gift certificate and watched the baby Emma. Emma's great grandpa also saw Emma. Bless their hearts.

We went to the restaurant, and experienced what it is like to date like single people. It was lovely. I love my wife and understand how people have a hard time staying in love. My kid is amazing, and I developed a love for her I had no idea that I had. My wife is amazing too though, and I want to keep her loved.

After P.F. Chang's, we went to Barnes and Noble. This is something we used to do a lot while dating. It's a relaxed environment with a great selection of books. My wife looked up some books to help spice up our intimate life, and I looked up a couple books to help me know what I am supposed to do for blogging. They also had some very interesting games. Most of what we saw was not the best of deals especially considering used books. We did buy a few books there that were decently priced to help the local community and a few books online after the fact to help keep the budget in check.

This brings me to the heart of Simple Living. We don't need to make our lives complicated to help it feel better. The groundwork is good. I love Grace. I love Emma. I love my job. I love the challenges life throws at us. Simple Living means that I stop keeping up with the Jones's and enjoy everything.

My wife and I tell ourselves we are very independent...although I think co-dependence is a better description. I am totally guilty of over-burdening myself and the wife in the name of perceiving ourselves as independent.

So, what do I take away from this? More babysitting, more relaxing, and less stressing over the uncontrollable things in life!

Not Keeping Up With The Jones's

Money does not solve everything

Tonight, my wife asked me what this blog was for. It is about enjoying a full and rich life instead of distractions. Abandoning the pursuit of wealth is a bit like calling yourself off of a race you cannot win. There is always someone richer than you, and if you are the richest guy in town, often you have sacrificed the people and relatives in your life.

What is better to maintain, everything you need or everything you want? Sure, it would be cool to own a fleet of cars, but the upkeep on them would take much of your time. You could hire someone to take care of them, but then you would probably worry about that guy scratching one, or stealing your bank account info from his paycheck.

What if...and just entertain this, you had what you needed, but did not have to worry about more than that? What if you keep your worrying at a minimum and focus where you are at, in the correct time?

I know some people of the Jones descent who don't worry. They are like wealthy people, minus the wealth, and are relying on credit. The problem with borrowing from the future is that eventually the future comes, and you must pay.

The old friend

In many modern-day Jones family's, both parents work full time and the kids go to school and come home to a nanny. The kids miss out on genetic role models, while the parents roll the dice on a school and nanny. The parents may be very successful at their jobs, but the family portion of their life is incomplete. As the kids and parents age, it is a bit like seeing an old friend that you have a hard time relating to. Simply starting a conversation is difficult, and can quickly become an awkward argument.

A rich life that I picture is one where one parent works and the other chooses what to do with their free time. Maybe they work part of the time or volunteer, but the second parent is physically around the children for most of their life. Work is important. Family is important too. Neither should be ignored. However, I believe that worrying about money is unimportant.

If you are able to get to a state where you have a budget and know what you are working toward, then you can eliminate one of the most common causes of stress and divorce. That is simple living. That is what I want. I believe that part of you wants to exit the rat race, figure out what truly is important in your life, and pursue that instead of wasting time.

Why would I trade time with Emma
for worrying about stuff?

Living rich is to have more of what is important, like having more time, making deep relationships, having few things to worry about and making great memories. That is the life I want. Not the life of the Jones's where possessions are the sum of success. I would rather take pictures of my Emma and Grace, than worry about purchasing the latest boat, phone or any other false promise of happiness.

Please note that I do not believe all purchases are wasteful as many things in life are needed.

Inexpensive Entertainment

Sometimes I feel like these batteries

Sometimes, I just want to recharge. The wife and I call this my "nothing box" because I don't think but immensely enjoy it and recharge. My newest computer is a work Macbook so my youth urges to play video games for free often go unfulfilled. As a previous Windows user, free demos took care of these urges. As time went on, my computer became too old and I was left in a state of playing online chess at gameknot.com and chess.com. Both of these sites are nice, although I prefer chess.com due to extra features. What I discovered though is that when I want to do something mindless, the male nothing-box, chess is not perfect since I must think.

However, I’ve recently discovered Risk and Monopoly online at pogo.com. Every 5 or so minutes during play you are greeted by a 40 second break to watch a sponsor. I use these times to go to the bathroom, plug in my computer charger, check email...etc. What I like about playing these games online is that I don’t have to find people to play with, the website simply matches players. Also, you can learn from people better than you in the never ending quest to improve.

My wife enjoys me doing my nothing-box because if I don’t play a game, I’ll instead pull out the budget and start thinking outside the box on how we can save money. Sometimes that makes her nervous.

On a somewhat related note, Netflix streaming just released Friends. 220 episodes ready for instant consumption. That alone could be worth $8 a month for your movie entertainment. Although I am frugal, if I have no source of entertainment it encourages me to be impulsive with indulgences like eating out, catching a $12 film, or buying a few movies in the bargain bin. Not that any of that is particularly bad. It is just helpful to have an inexpensive alternative to spending money for entertainment.

What is your inexpensive go-to? What do you like about it?

Disclaimer: I do not pay for any of the above websites except Netflix.

Change, Lovely Change

Hello,

This change is sudden

The last week has been a doozie. When I started this blog I assumed we’d be in the fifth-wheel for years. Instead, right after Christmas Day, the kitchen floor had unbearable soft spots. So, we moved everything out of it and sent it to the dealer for warranty. Graciously, my in-laws offered to have us move in, possibly for years should we decide to sell the fifth-wheel. This is a big change for us though, especially our daughter since we have lost a degree of independence. 

When you move out for the first time, you enjoy freedom. You eat when you want, you sleep when you want, you can do all sorts of things as long as you don’t annoy your landlord and neighbors too much. We also have the added bonus of teaching the in-laws to hold off on treating us as kids.

Free, like a bird

Regardless of all of this, things are great. We didn’t have to move into an apartment. Emma still knows her in-laws very well. The fifth-wheel may finally have the weakness of the floor fixed. I am choosing joy in all of this despite the potential for negativity. My wife is very helpful in focusing on the good. Things will work out in the end.